Let you go

It’s 3 am and you’re looking at me 

With your big doe eyes and a beaming smile

A smile so precious, powerful enough 

to soften even the hardest of hearts

You quench your thirst and seem calm

With eyes partially closed

about to drift off to sleep 

You let out a chuckle in your sleep

and wake up

Your big eyes are fully open now

You are wide awake

all set to start your day at 3 am

You want to play and watch the sun 

How do I explain to you 

in a language you would understand 

That the sun hasn’t risen yet

You reach out to touch my worn out eyes

with your little fidgety fingers and play 

I want to play with you too

But I should let you go 

Let you go back to sleep 

Because it’s the right thing to do

I hug you tight and roll you back to sleep 

You look at me with those misty eyes

Confused and hopeful that I will hold you

I let you go

Let you go back to sleep

It’s 4 am now, I wonder 

how many times I would have to let go 

Let go of my sweet little baby’s grasp 

when you grow into an adult

To see you flourish

To see you thrive

On your own

It’s 5 am now and I realise

You’re only 5 months old

Sleeplessness is altering my brain chemistry

Overthinking is my hobby now

You’re in your sweet deep slumber

I gaze at my ceiling wondering 

how in a few years 

I’ll watch you let go of my grasp

To take on the world

On your own

Planting a kiss on your forehead

I watch you and wonder if you’re dreaming of the same things I dream for you 

I let go of your hand

Let you go back to sleep

- S